How Entrepreneurship Can Disconnect You From Your Inner Self

There’s something powerful about creating and designing your own business that gives us entrepreneurs a sense of pride and accomplishment. From the earliest days of planning out a product or service to building the marketing strategy to landing your very first contract, each of those moments began with a design.

And it’s this design that’s held near our innermost parts — the reason we often call our businesses our babies. We put so much thought into how we want our brand and business to be perceived, so much so that we stay up at night working long days and fine-tuning every aspect of our brand. All the while, we’re losing sleep, not eating right, or worse, our stresses alter our perception of ourselves.

A question that recently came up in a conversation with colleagues was, “How did I become this person? When and where did I change throughout this process?” After we’ve built businesses and developed well-defined brands, how did we lose steam when designing ourselves? What does it mean to design yourself? Well, we are human, not business entities after all. However, much of our inner selves is heavily designed and shaped by our environments, childhoods, life experiences and relationships.

And adding on to that, the changes that can take place during the times we’re focused on business and work can sneak up on us, which is when we tend to disconnect from the person we were before designing our business. The disconnect can feel like a place of unfamiliarity and stagnation. There is good news: When we take back control of this design, it can lead to massive transformations.

Related: How This Female Founder Never Lost Herself When Starting a Successful Business

Who really designed you?

As I talked with that colleague about who we’ve become over the years, she said she didn’t recognize this person who had become so wrapped up in work anymore. We chatted about the topic longer, and I listened as she dissected all of the voices and experiences that have shaped this new person — someone she didn’t like. I asked a simple question, “Who do you say that you are?” She was stunned and stumbled over her words a bit. It became apparent to me that the inner self often gets neglected while we’re designing other aspects of our lives — especially our businesses.

We’re told things like, “You don’t have the skills for that,” or “You’re not a good fit” or my favorite, “I don’t see the value in your service.” Ouch. These phrases can sting, or worse, leave gaps where our minds try to fill in with assumptions and negative thoughts. Sit for a moment and think about how anything you’ve heard from clients, competitors or naysayers might’ve translated into your inner design. How do you feel about that? Do you believe the things that have been said?

Taking control of your design

Regaining control over your inner design may sound like a daunting task. But don’t be discouraged! While I can’t promise overnight results, I’ll offer some tips that may help you dig deeper into this phenomenon and hopefully push you to think about how to take back control of your design.

1. Self-reflect: What traits do you love about yourself? What traits do you want to improve upon? Why do you like certain parts of yourself, or why not? Really start thinking about these questions and forming answers that you believe in. For example, during a training session years ago when I was selling jewelry, I was coached on how to approach customers. I was told that I was too quiet and passive. I needed to be more aggressive if I wanted to see sales conversions.

The feedback was a little more harsh than that, if I recall! I went home and was upset for a while, thinking, “I don’t like aggressive sales tactics.” Why? Because I knew that I wouldn’t like it as a customer, so why would I do it to others? In short, I decided that I liked the way I sold. Low pressure and listening to what the customer wanted was my method. And guess what? Within just a few months, I had become the highest-selling gold jewelry salesperson. I didn’t want my coach’s voice dictating who I needed to be in order to be successful. Ask yourself the hard questions, give yourself an answer and live it.

Related: Are You Living Your Most Authentic Self?

2. Question your motives: Why are you working so hard? Who are you trying to impress? Are you working on a relationship for the wrong reasons? Yes, this is more reflection with a twist! What I’ve found over the years is that often our motives can tell us a lot about who we are. Our motives are held close to our chests, and we rarely reveal them to others. But if we practice the art of questioning why we do what we do, we might find that our motives could be holding us back from living our true design.

As an example, I was in a situation where I wasn’t quite getting what I wanted out of a relationship in a new field. You see, I was just starting to become familiar with folks in the fashion scene here in Chicago, and I was going to multiple events per day. It was burning me out. I had to stop and ask myself: Why was I doing this? My answer shifted something inside me. I peeled back an answer — a truth that I felt I wasn’t well known — I was a nobody in the fashion world. And I was living for a world that, in part, I had built up within my mind.

I felt the need to show up as much as possible so I could get ahead in this “world.” I was draining myself and putting stress on people close to me with the motive of trying to appear as a fashion person. I listened to the voice telling me that I was nobody. My motive made me realize that I wasn’t truly in control of my design. I was trying to appear as someone I was not (I changed my focus to building solid relationships authentically). Relationships with boundaries that I dictate. Question your motives and answer honestly. The answer might take some time to come to you. When it does reveal itself, things in your life might begin to make more sense.

3. Practice saying the positive out loud: Yes, say it out loud into the world. Imagine your business growing in a void — it can’t! Your business grew and developed because you spoke about its design, you shared your ideas, and you were excited to explore everything your business had to offer the world. Now, when we think about ourselves, how often do we say things in our heads (some good, but mostly bad)? Get out of your head. Find those things you like about yourself and say them out loud. Create an inner-self elevator pitch that you feel good about repeating.

For a practical example that doesn’t just involve repeating affirmations in a mirror or regurgitating items on your resume, try speaking things out loud as if you were speaking on behalf of yourself to a new person. Try saying something like, “DeAnna has a quiet confidence, and she really holds herself to a high standard in life. You can trust her because she’s a pretty honest person.” Oh, I’m blushing!

Compare this type of self-dialogue to, “I have strong client services experience, and I’ve helped companies navigate internal concerns. I have excellent communication skills. I am kind, and loved, and I deserve this life!” Bleh, generic (I mean absolutely no offense to you if these are your affirmations). If you’ve been able to get through steps one and two, you will be able to speak honestly and truthfully about your inner design. You’ll be able to speak from a place that is real — a place that you love.

Related: 6 Essential Mantras to Refocus Your Life and Business

The power of your inner design

This is the power that allows you to walk into a business meeting, an interview, a prospect call or any room and confidently know who you are, regardless of what others may think. You can be the big fish; you can be the pond for all I know. You can be the person you’ve designed. Building on the conversation I had with my friend, even someone who feels they’ve lost their sense of identity can still design and create who they want to be. It’s called storytelling for a reason; you tell the story of you.

Being in a strong state of awareness is a major power source that has driven some of the most influential people in history to their success. That same power is something you have access to. And it starts with your thoughtful design. As entrepreneurs, we can’t just wander through business — we’ll be walked over. I personally don’t want that for any of you. I want to see you all living the design of your life to the best of your ability. Keep in mind that your design may require some updates and improvements along the way. As long as you remain in control of those changes, you won’t lose yourself again.

How would you design your inner self? Or, how do you like your current design?