Most of us know that feeling lonely isn’t good for anyone. For our aging parents, who have to endure repeated losses, loneliness can become an acute, daily feeling. Loss of abilities they once had, loss of spouses and friends, giving up driving and other factors may play a larger role in cognitive impairment than we once realized. We are learning from studies by the National Institutes on Aging, that there is a connection between loneliness and dementia.
What Is Loneliness And Why Be So Concerned?
Loneliness isn’t simply being alone—it’s the distressing feeling of having fewer or lower quality social connections than desired. This distinction is important: your parent might live alone without feeling isolated, or conversely, feel lonely despite being surrounded by people. Recent research from Florida State University analyzed data from over 600,000 participants and found that loneliness increased the risk of Alzheimer’s disease by 14%, vascular dementia by 17%, and cognitive impairment by 12%. No one wants to see an increased risk of a disease everyone dreads—dementia of any kind. Families can play a significant role in helping, when possible, to reduce the risk the studies inform us about. I say “when possible”, as those stubborn and resistant aging loved ones may not go along with a family’s efforts, even while complaining about feeling lonely. But, we discuss what to look for and what to try to address the issue.
Signs Of Loneliness
The symptoms can look very much like signs of depression. If one reported these signs to a doctor treating your aging parent, they might get a diagnosis of depression. With or without such a diagnosis, it is important to look for things that point to loneliness. They can include:
Withdrawal from activities they once enjoyed
Expressions of feeling forgotten or unimportant
Increased health complaints without clear medical cause
Heightened irritability or sensitivity
Strategies For Families To Try
1. Set Up Regular, Meaningful Contact
Quality matters as much as quantity. Schedule regular visits, phone calls, or video chats. Even brief daily check-ins can provide significant emotional support. Make conversations meaningful by asking open-ended questions about their interests, memories, and opinions rather than just discussing health or practical matters. You may get monosyllabic answers, but that is not what matters most. What does matter is making the effort to be in touch often and predictably.
2. Bridge the Technology Gap
Help your aging parent become comfortable with technology that facilitates connection.
Many apps and devices for older adults to stay connected to loved ones are on the market. One problem with this is that your aging parents may not know how to use them and may give up quickly if no one takes the time to teach them step by step how to use the technology.
For example, my mother-in-law, Alice, (may she rest in peace) refused adamantly to touch a computer for years. Classes for the basics in computer use were available nearby, but she would not attend any of them. After she lost her husband of 62 years, things changed. Her only son, an exceptionally patient teacher to her, figured out that one problem was using a mouse. Arthritis in her hands made that too hard for her. He observed this and bought her a track ball, taught her how to work it and she caught on. She was able to combat her feelings of loneliness once she learned how to get online. She engaged with others, learned on the internet and got busy with a friend who found jokes online every day.
For Alice, the success of learning how to use Google was a huge confidence builder. We taught her how to get on video calls and she did enjoy seeing her grandchildren that way.
Based on that example, we suggest that you write down the step-by-step instructions for using any tech device or app you want your aging parent to try. Practice with them as much as it takes. Initiate using the device for video calls on zoom or whatever you are accustomed to using. It can make a great deal of difference in the life of a lonely elder.
3. Encourage Community Involvement
Many communities have senior centers. I live in a senior-heavy county with an aging population that exceeds the average. There are three senior centers in the relatively small county with a variety of classes, activities, entertainment and meal services. One can stop in for lunch any day. If you want to help your loved one get involved with other older folks in the area, you may need to do the initial research to find the resources. You may need to make a trip to go with them the first time for support to try this new thing, a senior center. There are also senior-focused classes at recreation centers, and parks in many cities. Family can find information, and encourage involvement. No one can make your stubborn aging parent go anywhere if they repeatedly refuse, but if you are supportive and acknowledge that new things can be uncomfortable, you have better odds in persuading them to try it.
4. Support Transportation Independence
Loss of the ability to drive can create isolation and loneliness. Some aging parents never did drive in the first place and they may not know how to get around using apps. In our family, my mother-in-law had a flip phone that did not allow use of apps. We got her a newer, internet capable phone and taught her how to use it, including Uber and Lyft. She did learn and could go where she wanted to go after that. We did not see her suffering from loneliness. She lived to be 96.
5. Check That They Have Assistive Devices They May Need
Most older people do suffer from hearing loss and vision changes. It can be helpful for family to make sure they have hearing aids that work properly and are charged as the devices are designed to be charged. (Getting Mom or Dad to wear them is another story!). Glasses prescriptions may need to be updated. If they need a walker or cane, family can check that they get what their safety demands. All of these things can help an aging person get and stay engaged with others without feeling left out. If they can’t hear, they won’t enjoy a card game. If they can’t see due to an outdated glasses prescription they are deprived of a lot. These are time consuming tasks for family members to take on but they can make a huge difference in the quality of life of your aging parents.
The Takeaways:
- Be proactive. Anything that helps fend off dementia odds is worth your time.
- See aging parents in person to see for yourself what can lead to loneliness.
- Have a strategy with some steps suggested above and take your time to put it to use.
Given the significant connection between loneliness and cognitive decline, helping your aging parents maintain meaningful social connections is not just about emotional wellbeing—it’s an important health intervention. By helping to prevent and address loneliness, you can protect your parents’ cognitive health while enhancing their quality of life.
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