It has been a little more than a year since I was accepted as a contributor to Forbes.com writing about the nonfinancial aspects of retirement. To write these articles, I have a library filled with shelves of books and hundreds of articles. I also collect ideas from what I learn from my monthly podcast called “Becoming a Sage” where I interview thought leaders about work and life wisdom.
Recently, I was writing an article and realized I should write about how I actually practice what I preach. Much of what I advocate in my writing is not always easy to do. I know that from experience. This may become a series because I have life experience to share. Let me know if this would be of interest to you. Here are three ways I am walking the talk.
Get Out Of Your Comfort Zone
While it may be hard for many people to get out of their comfort zone, it seems to be especially challenging for older people. The other day, my husband made this comment. “I’ve noticed how some of our friends who are getting older do not want to try or do new things.”
My response was that it is easier to stay home and not interact with others. But why is this the case?
I think there are several reasons for this. For instance, I recently attended a professional event where eight women were being recognized for their community contributions, and I felt a little reluctant about going. Even though I had nominated one of the women being recognized, I still had reservations about attending. I felt uncomfortable.
When you’re already working at a day job, it doesn’t feel as psychologically disruptive to travel after work to an event. But in this case, I had to get dressed up, make a trip I wasn’t used to making, find a place to park in the city, and then network or mingle. Even as an extrovert who enjoys interacting, I had hesitations about going.
And when networking or mingling, what is the first thing people often ask you? “What do you do?”
I’ve coached people not to say, “I am retired.” That answer is a conversation killer. A better response is, “I am involved in …” which could be a cause, project, or interest. I’ve make try to remember to ask people what they are interested in or what they are passionate about. That usually leads to a conversation from which you learn more about the person.
It takes courage to get into the groove as an older person. The less we get out of our comfort zone, the harder it is to do it. I try to do something on a weekly basis that makes me stretch and grow. When I travel by myself, I can feel myself growing as I have no one to depend on but myself. The goal is to get comfortable with being uncomfortable and with practice, it is easier to do.
What can you do this week to make yourself uncomfortable?
Stay Engaged To Stay Relevant
Research says one of the main fears for women as they grow older is becoming invisible. For men it is becoming irrelevant. When we don’t have our careers to define us and provide our identity, it is easy to be invisible and irrelevant if we don’t stay involved.
Staying involved is harder when we avoid getting out of our comfort zone. And we might not want to get out of our comfort zone because we haven’t stayed engaged. We can feel out of place. This could apply to a faith community, professional organization, or group within our own community. If we have not been involved, it is easier to not get involved.
When we are not engaged, our skills can become outdated and we feel irrelevant. We want to be able to contribute our skills and knowledge to the conversations and to the causes. This is a challenge if we have not kept up with the issues or our skills are not current.
As a consultant and coach, I am my own IT department. This has helped to keep my computer skills current. I don’t just want to belong to organizations. I want to be a contributor. People will seek you out if they feel you can add value. But that often depends on staying engaged to stay relevant.
What step can you take to get more engaged in something that interests you?
Connect With People Of Different Generations
Friendships are important at all ages, but particularly necessary for our health and well-being as we get older. Friends are our support system and social network, particularly after we have retired. When working full-time, the workplace provides opportunities to interact with people of various ages. One way to get out of our comfort zones is to start interacting with people of different generations. Again, it is easier to surround ourselves with people of our own age group.
I’ve always enjoyed being in the company of elders and sages—people from whom I could learn, grow, and develop based on their wisdom and advice. Now I find myself in the older category and I want part of my legacy to include sharing what I have learned with others. To do this, I must get out of my social comfort zone. It is important to stay engaged and involved to be relevant to people of a younger generation.
Social media reminds me there is so much I don’t know and so much I can learn from younger people. I am in a professional women’s network, and we are planning an annual retreat. The organization has been intentional about inviting younger women to become members. It would be easy to relax and sit back, let the newer members plan the retreat, attend, and enjoy. But I volunteered to be on the planning committee because I will get to know the newer members and develop relationships that I will value going forward.
How can you develop connections with people younger than you?
Conclusion
Photography has been a hobby of mine for a long time. In a few months, I am traveling to Guatemala by myself to join a photography group tour. Since I have also wanted to go to Guatemala for a long time, this trip combines two passions. But a voice says in the back of my head, I could easily stay home.
Even getting ready for this voluntary trip is causing me some anxiety. It is a trip that will force me to get out of my comfort zone. While on the tour, I will be with a dozen people whom I don’t know, but the group will likely consist of people of different ages, backgrounds, and life experiences. I will engage with the group and hopefully be relevant by adding value to the conversations. I’m trusting that what I’ll learn and what the trip will add to my life will reinforce my willingness to embrace being uncomfortable.
These are only three top-of-mind ways I am practicing what I am preaching about having a successful life after one’s main career. I am in my encore career because I am out to retire the word “retirement.” As I say in my podcast, “We are not retiring from life, but we are moving onto something else. But what are we moving onto?
Leaving one’s career is not easy because who we are is often based on what we do. Moving on to what’s next in life takes time and intentional thought. The time to think about the next phase of life is now–regardless of your age and stage of life.
PS: While I love dancing, my husband is uncomfortable doing it. But we have been taking ballroom dance lessons for many years. He is practicing and getting better!
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